Understanding the Landscape of Grief (The Stages)

The most well-known framework for grief is the Five Stages of Grief (DABDA), developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. It is crucial to remember that these are not steps to be completed in order. 

They are simply common emotional responses that a person may cycle through:

1. Denial

• Experience: "This can't be happening." You may feel numb, shocked, or try to rationalize the loss. Denial is a temporary shield that helps you pace your feelings and process the devastating information slowly.

2. Anger

• Experience: "Why me?" or "Why did this happen?" Anger often serves as an emotional release, a way to anchor yourself when everything feels chaotic. This anger can be aimed at the person who died, yourself, doctors, or even a higher power.

3. Bargaining

• Experience: "If only I had..." or "I promise to do X if I can just get Y outcome." Bargaining is a desperate attempt to regain control. It involves dwelling on the "what ifs" and "if onlys," looking for a way to reverse the pain.

4. Depression

• Experience: This is usually when the true weight of the loss hits. It involves intense sadness, withdrawal, lethargy, and feelings of emptiness. This stage is a necessary period for profound self-reflection and mourning.

5. Acceptance

• Experience: This is not about being "okay" with the loss, but about accepting the new reality. It means acknowledging the person or thing is gone and beginning the process of building a new life with that knowledge. You begin to feel moments of peace and can plan for the future.

You might experience all five stages in one day, or skip one entirely. The most important thing is to allow yourself to feel whatever stage you are in without judgment.